


We're the People That We Wanted to Know

by moreculturelesspop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Always Female Dean Winchester, F/M, Female Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Heterosexual Sex, Male Castiel/Female Dean Winchester, Nephilim, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26010787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreculturelesspop/pseuds/moreculturelesspop
Summary: She thought an abortion would ruin their relationship, instead, it brings her and Cas together.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	We're the People That We Wanted to Know

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of abortions.

He’s filling her over and over again, their bodies entwined. Her arms around his neck, his under her back, pulling her closer. They kiss, no part of their body not connected. 

“I will not come until I pleasure you,” he whispers into her panting lips. She lifts her other leg up and fully wraps herself around his body.

“Come for me,” she whispers into his neck. She feels the familiar thrust pattern and feels him shudder on top of her. He calls out her name again and again with his orgasm. He rolls over onto his back beside her in bed, panting gently.

“I wish you would let me satisfy you more,” he sighs. He removes the condom and magically cleans himself, dropping it into the waste bin beside the bed. She pulls the comforter over them both and nestles into his smooth chest. He doesn’t sleep but he likes to post-coitally lie alongside her and listen to her shallow breaths as she fell asleep.

“Two times is enough big boy,” she murmurs into his skin.

“I am not that big, I am actually average height for a male.” She smiles and lets him wrap his arms around her. She soon rolls onto her side, away from him, as she falls into a deeper slumber. He traces patterns on her back as he hears her breathing change.

She is awoken but Cas sitting up in bed, his body glowing and stiff. “A Nephilim!” he gasps.

“Go to sleep,” she murmurs, pulling the comforter over her head.

“Dee,” he cries, shaking her. She rolls over and looks at him with heavy eyelids. “I believe we have just conceived a child.”

“What did you just say?” she says, jumping up in bed.

“A Nephilim was just conceived, I felt it. Inside you.”

“You knocked me up?” she says, wiping her tired eyes. He places his hands on her flat, toned stomach.

“A child,” he murmurs. “Deanna, we made a child.” She jumps up from bed, trying to find her panties from the floor. She slides into the red lace with ease.

“Fuck,” she hisses, scooping up the shirt she was wearing yesterday. The shirt Cas had ripped off her mere hours ago, before their child was conceived. “What do we do?”

“Calm down, Deanna.” He’s too calm, sat up in bed with the sheet pooled around his middle. She throws the t-shirt over her head.

“Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down!” she shouts, before remembering that Sam and Jack were also in the bunker. “This child isn’t going to kill you.” She hisses. He holds his hand out and pulls her back into the bed.

“I will not let that happen.”

“It has to go,” she whimpers. He places a hand on her shoulder but she doesn’t want to be touched. “How could this happen?”

“I believe the condom may have broken,” He’s too calm, he’s talking about it like a cup has smashed. “I understand it is your body, but I don’t want to lose you. I will look for ways of saving you and our child.”

“I don’t want it,” she gulps. “I don’t want kids. I don’t want to have any children in this life. Never mind soulless half angels!”

“I understand,” he replies. She sees the hurt on his face, he doesn’t understand, he’s just hurt she wants to get rid of his child, their child.

“I’ve lost too many people, too many members of my family.”

“I will not let anything happen to you or our child. I couldn’t save Kelly, but I could-”

“Stop!” she shouts. They sit in silence, Deanna’s words hanging thick in the air. Sam knocks on the door to check that she is okay, having heard the shouting from down the hall. “I’m good, Sammy. Just a bad dream!” she shouts back. She stares at Cas, begging for his silence. Sam didn’t know Cas spent his nights there and tonight was not the night for this revelation. “Get out Cas,” she says.

“You are emotional, I understand.”

“I need to be alone. I need time to think,” Cas gets out of bed, hurt, and dresses slowly. She grabs his wrist as he buttons his ever perfect shirt “It’s not your fault, I just need time.”

She lays in bed staring at the ceiling. She can imagine the way her body will twist and deform as their child will rip her apart. Can imagine the pain in Cas’ eyes every time he looks at her, carrying their child, the lengths Sam will go to ensure she survives the ordeal. She wants to ask Cas if he could mojo it gone but she supposes if he could he would have already offered, plus it would probably break him to be forced into killing his own offspring. She lays her hand over the flat tight area of stomach that would soon balloon.

She Googles abortions and lays in bed reading Reddit stories until she falls asleep, her phone clutched to her chest. When she wakes up her phone is on the bedside table and her body is under the comforter. She rolls over to see Cas sat in the chair in the corner, staring at her. “I told you to stop doing that.”

“You were upset. I was worried.” She sits up and tugs on her wild mane of bed hair.

“I’m going to call the doctor.”

“You can’t. There is no child to abort. It’s just a cluster of eggs and sperm. You’re not actually pregnant.”

“So I just sit and incubate until I get fat and miserable? Wait until some psycho angel comes and kills me?” Cas sighs at her like she’s being unreasonable.

She gets up and drinks a beer with her bacon breakfast. That night she intends to go to the nearest bar and drink as much as she can, hoping nature will take back control of her body.

None of the nihilism works, all it does is upset Cas and make Sam mad. She throws up every morning (Sam blames the booze) and suddenly can smell every little thing. Cas smells like an ocean, Sam uses vanilla-scented shampoo and her car smells like her dad. She starts to bleed and cramp after a hunt and thinks all her prayers have come true only for Cas to inform that it was totally normal.

She’s six weeks pregnant when she walks into the clinic for her abortion. “The sooner I go, the better,” she tells Cas and his sad blue eyes. She looks around for any sign of Sam, but he’s in the gym, before sitting on his lap in the study. “I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to have a child. I don’t want to bring them into this shit and let’s be honest, I ain’t getting out no matter how hard I try. Even if it wasn’t some sprog that was going to kill me in eight months’ time, even if it was human, you were human, I don’t want it.”

“I understand, Deanna.”

“I need you, Cas,” she whispers, resting her forehead against him, “Me getting rid of this child doesn’t mean I need you any less.” She takes his jaw in her hand and kisses him gently.

* * *

“A geriatric pregnancy, that’s what they called it!” she spits, as Cas leads her out the clinic.

“You’re not getting any younger, she is right,” Cas responds.

“We all can’t be centuries old and look as good as you,” she jests. Cas takes her hand in his as they walk across the parking lot. She lets him, it’s the least she could do after he sat in the clinic waiting room for two hours as they gave her an ultrasound and reminded her that it was a big decision like she wasn’t a grown ass woman. They test her for everything under the sun and prod her in places that make her wince in pain.

“I don’t see why I could not go in with you,” he says, as they climb into Baby.

“Because they are worried that I am being coerced into something I don’t want.”

“They don’t know you!” he snorts in response. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Fine.” She feels nauseous and the deep feeling of cramp is starting to form in her lower stomach. She’s had worse hangovers. The paper bag with the medication is sat on Cas’ lap, he looks in to see antibiotics, anti-nausea pills and the MVP of the game, misoprostol. She chose the medical abortion option, the idea of being laid out in front of strangers, vulnerable with Cas waiting outside wasn’t an option she’d even consider. She’d choose privacy no matter the pain any day.

“Where have you been?” calls Sam, as she runs down the stairs, the bag of medicine in Cas’ coat pocket.

“Picking up drugstore supplies,” she replies, walking past him. It wasn’t a lie, she had stopped at the drugstore to buy painkillers and pads, she’d learned that much from Google.

“I found-” he starts.

“I don’t feel very well, I’m gonna lie down for a bit,” she tells him.

“It’s best you leave her, she is in a terrible mood,” Cas tells him. “Because she is menstruating.”

She strips her bed of its white sheets and lays down a plastic sheet. She has been preparing all week for this moment, avoiding any need to get Sam involved. “Are you staying?” she asks Cas. He’s lurking by the open door, unsure of his place.

“Would you like me to stay?”

“Nurse recommended I have someone with me, in case something happens,” She can’t make eye contact with him, can’t respond to his touches like she normally would. She downs the anti-nausea medication and a painkiller as Cas closes the door. He gently removes his trench coat and suit jacket, before folding them over the back of the chair. He toes of his shoes and sits up on his side of the bed, she changes into sweatpants and a baggy hoodie that belonged to some ex whose name has long been forgotten. "You're not sitting in here dressed as an accountant." Cas changes into sweatpants and a t-shirt. This was her Cas, the one in the trench coat belonged to them. 

He puts on Justified, knowing it would distract her enough but she’d seen it enough times that if she fell asleep she wouldn’t miss out. She rests her head on his lap and watches the laptop perched at the end of the bed. She quickly falls into a sleep and Cas’ lets her, reading through all the pamphlets they give her at the hospital. He memorises them word by word because he knows she won’t. She gently snores into his lap, taking her hand in his, he rubs her knuckles with his thumb.

He has to wake her up to take the misoprostol, unwillingly so. She grumbles as he shakes her awake. She puts the pills in her mouth and lets them dissolve in between her gums. She sinks back to his lap and wraps her arms around his legs. She goes quiet and Cas presumes she was asleep until she groans and grabs onto his knee.

“It’s okay,” he hushes, stroking her hair. This wasn’t unfamiliar to find themselves in this position. She often suffered from period cramps, she would drink and eat and hide them from Sam but every now and then she would collapse into Cas’ arms. He would get her pie and rub her stomach until she fell asleep in his arms.

She wakes up, the laptop closed and put back on the desk, still on his lap. Cas strokes her hair as she tries to get her bearings.

“You doing okay?” he gently asks her. She makes a noise and shifts a bit, she feels the wetness between her legs.

“I should probably go to the bathroom and see the damage,” She sneaks into the bathroom, past Sam in the study, and changes her pad. “Hey little cluster of cells,” she says, placing her hand flat against her belly. “I’m sure you’d have been a great kid but I ain’t going to be anyone’s mom. You wouldn’t have wanted me as a mother anyway. I’m a fucking disaster. And your powers, they would have confused you, maybe even caused some damage to the world, to you. Nothing personal eh? Bet you had eyes like your dad, and you were stubborn like a Winchester. I’m sorry, kid.”

She sits on the toilet until her legs go numb. When she opens the door Cas is leaning against it. He falls into the bathroom, losing balance. “I was worried about you,” he explains. She locks the door behind him and sinks down the door to the floor. He sits down next to her, copying her legs stretched out straight position. “I feel guilty, Deanna.”

“For killing this baby?”

“No, because you have to go through with this. I’m supposed to look after you, supposed to make sure you are safe. This is my fault.”

“Hey, I didn’t take many biology classes but it takes two people to make a baby.” He slings an arm over her shoulders and she leans into it.

“Are you in pain?”

“It’s fine,” she lies. He places his hand on her forehead and injects his grace into her, helping soothe her cramps. “I wish we could be different, wish this could all be different.”

“Then we would have never had met. I would have been a miserable soldier, obeying orders and not.. cloudseeding.” She laughs and leans into him. She never could imagine feeling so comfortable and so at peace with a human who wasn’t Sam.

Her and Cas go back to bed. She doesn’t want to watch anything, instead, she lies facing Cas on the bed. Her brain is working too quickly to take in a narrative.

“What do you think they would have looked like?” She doesn’t feel bad about aborting their child, she’ll feel okay in the morning but at that moment she wanted to wallow.

“I think they would have had your freckles,” he says, stroking her cheek. “And they would have been stubborn and strong, loyal and loving, like you.” He follows down to place his hand on the back of her neck. He pulls her head forward gently, so their forehead touch.

“They would have had blue eyes like you. They would have your mouth,” she says, tracing his lips. “They would tilt their head to the side when they didn’t understand something and they would be kind and patient,” her voice cracks. She dives into him and he wraps himself around her, arms around her neck and leg hooked over her hip. They stay like that for a while until she has to wriggle out from his grip, slowly being suffocated by his affection.

“Are you in pain?”

“Very mild.” She lies on her back and stares up at the ceiling, slightly glazing over. Her body wasn’t in pain, it just felt strange.

“I could apply a uterine massage,” he suggests. “I've read it’s very effective after the procedure.”

“Don’t be weird.” He kisses her neck gently and plays with a lock of brown hair.

“Is that a yes or no?” She obliges because it sounds good. He presses down on his belly gentle, rubbing in circular motions from the belly button to the pubic bone. It helps her find some relief. He could use his angel mojo to ease her cramps, but this is so much more intimate.

They play around with different positions, trying to become comfortable. They end with Cas sat against the headboard, and Deanna led with her head on his lap. He reads her half of The Hobbit, she mostly watches him. She thought this experience may ruin their relationship, but instead, it proved to her just how strong their bond was. “You’re staring at me,” he says, mid-chapter-four.

“You realize how that sounds coming from you?” He carries on reading and she carries on watching him. She rolls over onto her side and wraps her arms around his leg. “I’m lucky to have you.”

The next time she goes to the bathroom, she passes a lemon sized blood clot. And it was over. She wasn’t sad, she felt guilty that she wasn’t sadder. She cries a little that night, in his arms. It’s the hormones, she was warned about it, and he understands that she’s not crying because the baby was gone. 

The next day she wakes up feeling much better. There are some blood splatters on her pants but she doesn’t feel nauseous, for once. She is grieving, in many ways, the family she could have had, not the one that was growing inside her yesterday. 


End file.
